A Few Bon Mots you may enjoy…

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Everybody is entitled to a slip of the tongue. Some slips are worse than others. The ones below are a few of my favorites from the world of sport:
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“Every team has 18 arms, 18 legs, and 18 sets of eyes like any other” – Russell Greene
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“You could count Schimma’s kicks on one hand – he’s had 7” – Drew Morphett
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“Foschini nearly has his head pulled off – Fetherby goes to ground and picks it up and boots it 40 meters down the ground – Bill Jacobs
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“Hutchinson uses a torpedo punt a la carte Doug Wade” – Hugh Mitchell
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“Leo Barry is now a smaller Leo Barry” – Stan Alves.
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”He’s not a well-liked player, but he’s popular.” – Harry Beitzel
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“He shoots, but it’s just outside the goldfish” – Rex Hunt

“The operation was a success, but the patient died” – Gerard Whatley
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“I won’t say anything in case I say something” – Jack Dyer
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“South Melbourne play better in the rain than they do in the wet” – Tom Lahiff
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“And, in a major shock, the Brumbies 21 lead the Sharks 27” – Quentin Hull
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“From nine scoring shots, he’s kicked 2 goals 5” – Doug Heywood
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“No scores yet – scores are level” – Frank Considine
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“North Melbourne 24 points, Melbourne yet to score, the difference 22 points” – Peter Landy
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“Carlton are one hundred and eleventeen” – Harry Beitzel
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“Hawthorn 2.2 lead Footscray 2.2” – Hugh Mitchell
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“It’s vital that both teams win this game” – Gareth Andrews
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“That kick went about 15 minutes” – Clarke Hanson
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“Bamblett made a great debut last week, and an even better one today” – Jack Dyer
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"(Adelaide) Coach Neil Craig was naturally pleased by his team's slow start, but slammed his players for a tame last quarter" - Ashley Porter

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“A great mark by Russo hits Matthews on the chest” – Drew Morphett
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On Queen’s Birthday Holiday: “Welcome to this special Easter Monday replay” – Peter Landy
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“The goalposts are moving so fast I can’t keep up with the play” – Jack Dyer
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“Within a minute, the West Coast had scored five goals” – Jon Dorotich
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“Collingwood ran out of legs – they didn’t have legs at the start of the game in Sydney” – Bill Jacobs
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“It’s a magnificent kick by Daicos – well, it would have been magnificent, but it went out on the full” – Peter McKenna
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“Scott Thompson picks it up. He’s a crow” – Peter Walsh
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“As I said before, we have gone only six and a half minutes in the first quarter” – Lou Richards
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“Not a bad kick. It’s THROUGH! And out of bounds” – Lou Richards
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“When Barry Round’s not there, his presence is certainly felt” – Frank Considine
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“That looks like Dench, but couldn’t possibly be” – Ian Cleland
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“Who could forget those marathons by De Castella – the Commonwealth Games and…where was the other one?” – Peter McKenna
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“Head-high tackles are sure to be raised” – Scot Palmer
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“It’s Merrett. It’s Duckworth. It could be Clarke” – Clarke Hanson
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“St. Kilda’s Odgers shoots for goal and makes no mistakes – er, about missing it” – Sandy Roberts
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“He was beaten pointlessly by his opponent” – Frank Considine
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“Scott Howell is the former son of Chook Howell” – Polly Perkins
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“Keith Greig’s character is impeachable” –Bill Jacobs

“Ditchburn’s off the ground at full forward” – Gerald Burke
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Just after half-time: “This is the first time I’ve seen Daicos play the full four quarters” – Doug Wade
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“Neagle about to swoop on the ball, but the boundary line gets there first” – Graham Dawson
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“The ground is playing well” – Ted Whitten
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“And Harvey raffles the meat tray, and boots it down the field” – Gerard Whatley
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“The players can’t wait to see the siren go” – Peter McKenna
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“Robilliard’s name is pronounced Ro-billiard as in snooker” – Sandy Roberts
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”It’s the third time this year that singular occurrence has happened” – Bob Skilton
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“He’s better now than he was at his peak” – Kevin Coghlan
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“After all, Bobby Skilton was amphibious” – Peter McKenna
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“The umpire blows the ball and bounces it up” – Rex Hunt
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“There weren’t too many best mans on the ground” – Jack Dyer
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“That’s the worst game that I’ve had the pleasure of seeing” – Bob Skilton
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“Our first half was our best first half this season, and our second half was equally bad” – Tony Jewell
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“Mark Lee’s long arms reaching up like giant testicles” – Jack Dyer
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“The clouds are coming over in two halves” – Lou Richards
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“Barham pushed himself in the back” – Peter McKenna
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“The ground here is like a round circle” – Harry Beitzel
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“He’s put the game beyond result” – Jack Dyer
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“Both teams appear to be discombombulated” – Peter Walsh
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“If you could put Michael Moncrieff’s head on that bloke, he’d look exactly like Michael Moncrieff” – Peter McKenna
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“Wigan really needed Marcus Bent to be alive today” – David Pleat
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“Abletts to the left of him, and Abletts to the right” – Gerard Whatley
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“The Ablett brothers are hard to tell apart – although one of them has a beard” – Doug Wade
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“Gary Ablett missed two goals he simply never misses” – Aussie Jones
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“He bursts out of the pack holding the Sherrin – not Tom, one of his balls” – An ABC commentator too shy to reveal his name
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“Fitzroy copulated to the opposition” – Jack Dyer
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(NB: Yes, I do know about Garath Andrews’ famous spoonerism when he changed “the Stanley Tools windsock is loose” into a comment about Stanley Windsock, but this is a PG rated blog)
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"And Carlton have won tonight at Subiaco, scoring 17 goals nine one hundred and eleventeen" - Glen Mitchell

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“On Monday there will be no Saturday Sports Show” – Graham Walton
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At a Beijing Olympics Media Briefing: “Animals except seeing eye dogs are okay…baseball bats unless you’re playing baseball” (I thought that this one was untrue, but I’ve seen the evidence!)
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Your contributions to this blog are not only welcome, but eagerly sought, particularly in view of the fact that most of these quotes are from the AFL. I’m sure that there’s similar misstatements outside the narrow realms I have followed above…
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e-mail them to contactdbc@dodo.com.au.
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And, just remember, as Bob Davis once said: “They’re not that terribly unbeatable”.
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END TITLES
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Copyright © ABN 59 422 394 980, 2008. All Rights Reserved.
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Some of the Quotes above were printed by Lawrence Money in the long-deceased Melbourne “Herald” Newspaper. Mr. Money is not deceased, and his research in this field should be recognized and acknowledged. Thank you.
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Without limiting the rights under copyright, no part of this blog shall be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, printing, publishing, recording or otherwise) without the prior permission of the copyright owner and publisher of this blog.
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Legal Note: I hereby reserve the rights of myself and that of my informants to take legal action over any slur to my personal, and all of our professional reputations, whether said slur be taken singly, separately, or as a member of a class of persons. For the purposes of any litigation, other than that relating to competitions, the place of publication shall be taken as being in the Australian Capital Territory. Nothing in this blog posting, or any previous related postings, are intended to be an all-inclusive statement of the facts. All rights and remedies are reserved, none of which are waved.